Wild Techdom

Hi, I’m Mitchel and this is my assistant Ron. Welcome to Wild Techdom supported by Mutual of Bromaha.

Today we travel to the far off wilds of the cube mazes of Silicon Valley. These are dangerous lands with an entire species never before seen on television. We will be assisting an anthropological team of experts there to catalog and verify the existence of specific species. We are always careful to not disturb or endanger these sensitive creatures.

Though the cubicle mazes may seem dangerous and easy to get lost. The herds of developers and project managers have crushed down the savannah of carpet between the bathrooms and all you can drink coffee bar. Many of the denizens will only leave for the siren call of a food truck. That is just what we’re going to use today. Ron is going to use a car horn to simulate the playful wail of a food truck arriving.

Why look there. Ron is stalking a developer. You can tell it is a fully formed 10X developer by the wiley look in his eyes. He is used to being stalked by the predators of this environment. The recruiter. The developer is getting up his courage to leave the protection of the cube maze. He is scampering for the door nearest where he heard the food truck. And, Ron is wrestling him to the ground. Watch those teeth Ron. While Ron, wrestles the developer to the ground I’m going to make some lovely lemon aid. You know that lemon-aid can be sweet or bitter just like most developers.

I see Ron has hog tied the developer and now the scientist approach. Watch the nips guys. Even tied up a 10X developer can calculate trajectories and intersection paths faster than a Cray Computer can become obsolete. There the scientists are tagging the developer. Don’t worry folks at home. With gauged ears the ear tag doesn’t even hurt. I imagine that it might even become a source of pride when returning to his herd.

Now, they’re getting ready to release the developer back into the wild. And, luck would have it a company provided food truck is arriving at the door now. The developer is focusing on the food truck. The last rope is released and he is scampering off none the worse for wear. Yes, folks this is a great day to see another successful capture and release.

And now a brogasm word from our sponsor.

Welcome back from the break and next we will see Ron wrestling with a creature rarely seen outside of the dim hallways of the server stack. Today we will be observing, capturing, and tagging a security engineer.  Generally toothless and often lost without any clue on where they are going they still can be very dangerous.

You can easily spot the security engineer in a herd of developers. Developers show their true spots with vendor polo-shirts stating operating system tool sets. The security engineers tend towards black t-shirts that have white letters like “Got Root” or “400# Hacker”. Very sensitive to threats in the environment they have a gaze that watches the horizon for threats.

Unfortunately it looks like Ron and his helper Dawn have gotten close to the security engineer. Dawn is trying to capture the gaze of the subject. He almost, almost, and there she has eye lock on the subject. He is quivering. Ron grabs the engineer and the scientists pounce. This is a strong specimen Ron.

Ron is going to wrestle the security engineer as we sit back and enjoy this nice cool iced tea. Watch the claws Ron they don’t call themselves hackers for no reason. Unlike the developers the security type of the species can be very vigorous in refusing new information. They will even attack other members of the species for even suggesting something foreign to them.